Yoga and Self-Healing
As a Yoga teacher, I have practiced and studied many forms of Yoga. I would focus on one style or syllabus, and repeat it daily for a couple of years. I found that different styles brought out different aspects of me. Through Integral Yoga, I found an inner peace, a calmness, and a relaxed way of moving and being. I enjoyed the classical structure of the class, and the division of the work into three parts: chants, asanas, (or physical poses,) and meditation. Unlike some other forms of Yoga in the West, the Integral Hatha Yoga method keeps a balance between these three aspects, giving them equal importance. Westerners love the physical, but it's important to balance that with meditation, relaxation, and mantra, (ancient sacred sounds.) The philosophy of Integral Yoga is "Truth is One, Paths are Many." This message encourages people to be accepting of all religions, seeing the common ground in their ideals.
Bikram Yoga pushed me to enter more into my masculine side. It changed my body completely. I loved how it defined and sculpted my muscles. The effects were dramatic, and I found it particularly healing for my knees. Bikram himself used this sequence to heal his own knees after shattering them in a weight lifting accident. Although doctors told him he would remain in a wheelchair, he proved them wrong. While in Santa Fe, New Mexico, I took a fall on ice that rendered me unable to walk. My knees were excruciatingly painful, and I had an audition for EFX in just two weeks in Las Vegas. I did the Bikram sequence each morning. Because of my injury, it took me two hours to get through the series of asanas. I would have tears pouring down my cheeks in some of the poses, but I used breath, gentle persistence, and modification. By the time the audition date arrived, I was able to walk. I landed the show, and my knees healed in time for rehearsal.
With Kripalu Yoga, I learned to improvise in the poses, moving and rocking if that felt organic. Their belief in following your intuition through your practice helped me greatly as a teacher to trust the flow of the moment. I loved the routine of getting up at 5:00 a.m. and starting the day with pranayama. The Kirtan sessions there set me up to continue a chanting practice. For me, this was even more powerful than asana. Breath and sound were extremely healing and energizing. The mantras came naturally, and I enjoyed repeating these ancient chants and melodies. The lifestyle at Kripalu Yoga has stayed with me to this day. The teachers stressed that the idea was to take home what you learned, and incorporate it into your daily routine.
It's easier to live like a Yogi in an ashram. Your meals are made, your room is cleaned, and you have no responsibilities. Integrating the disciplines into my daily life, whether I was performing on tour, teaching, or writing is what I gained from that experience. They also stressed correct diet and enjoyment of organic, healthy foods.
When I began Kundalini Yoga, however, I was in for a big shock. I had never felt such a dramatic shift and energy surge. Each class begins with the mantra, "Ong Namo Gurudev Namo," which means "Infinite creative consciousness, I call upon you, Divine inner teacher, I call upon you." Classes often start with spinal flexes, which to my knowledge are not seen or done in other forms of Yoga. They are deceptively simple, moving the cerebral spinal fluid up and down the spine. You work up to three minutes, which allows the blood to make a complete round of circulation. As a beginner, (even though I had been a Hatha Yoga teacher for 15 years, and a professional dancer before that,) I found the warm-ups to be extremely difficult and exhausting. I mentioned it to my teacher. He equated it with acupuncture, and relayed how when he first had treatment, he'd felt really tired afterward. I noticed some of the other students having intense reactions to the first few exercises we'd do, as well. This may have been because this teacher had a tendency to push us very hard, believing it would help us to work through any resistance. In hindsight, I teach my students in a more gradual way, letting them work up the strength and energy over time. Usually his classes included a lot of work on the lower three chakras, combined with heavy use of breath of fire. Some people would even walk out of the class, angry and frustrated. It was bringing up their "stuff." I was intrigued. As an artist, I had studied voice, and had experienced the same phenomenon. Thoughts such as, "I don't want to do this anymore," "I should just quit," and blaming the teacher were common. I knew that I had gone through the same process as a young dancer, and by moving through the resistance I had come out stronger, better trained, and had been transformed on some level. I instinctively felt that if I could stay with the Kundalini Yoga, I would grow and heal in a very deep way.
For some students problems with authority, thwarted creativity, repressed rage, and bottled up feelings will commonly reveal themselves. If the student doesn't make the connection, it can be frightening and confusing. This can also happen in other forms of Yoga. The kriyas (or sequences) in Kundalini Yoga are designed to heal us on different levels. There are sets for clearing the electromagnetic field, overcoming hidden agendas, releasing inner anger, opening the heart center, and many others. A student can locate which chakra seems to be the most troublesome, and focus on healing those energy centers.
In Kundalini Yoga, one becomes acutely aware of old patterns that are no longer working. It is very common for students of this form of Yoga to change careers and end unhealthy relationships. This alone can prevent disease if one is depressed, unfulfilled, and feels stuck. Unhealthy patterns become very obvious. If we heed the message, and make a change, we feel better. If we ignore our instincts, we become more and more uncomfortable. Often the problem will resurface with a new cast of characters that is more intense and pronounced. It's like playing a game of connect the dots. "Oh...I see now, this association with a person with this type of personality began at this stage of my life." The chakras store memories, emotions, and deep- seated patterns. We can get stuck in a groove, and replay an unpleasant experience over and over.
In my case, It became glaringly apparent that some of my old friendships no longer reflected the person I had become. As I became more focused on my spiritual path, my energy and lifestyle changed, and I noticed I was clashing with friends who previously I had been close with. Growth can be painful. I had to really face the dynamics of all of my relationships. What role had I played? I find it fascinating how the same scenario can repeat itself throughout life until we change and choose to behave differently. Oprah Winfrey has said that she believes that the truth heals. Everyone resonates with it. Kundalini Yoga brings you an awareness of your truth. Everything in your life that is not truthful, or reflective of who you really are, comes up to the surface and becomes glaringly apparent.
Becoming confrontational has caused some upset, to put it mildly, but it also has freed my body to experience more energy, light, and healing. For many years I used avoidance. "Just don't say anything... even though this is bothering you, causing you pain and harm, don't let on," I would tell myself. When we do start to feel our emotions, and give them a voice, people around us may not like it. Especially if for many years we played the part of being agreeable when we were really hurt, or if we put on a false happy face when underneath we were angry.
As I continue to practice Kundalini Yoga, I no longer feel exhausted by the warm up exercises. I find I enjoy the rhythm, breath, repetition, and focus at the brow point. It has been worth the discomfort and turmoil. Now it's as if the energy moves through me, out of my throat chakra to be expressed and released, hopefully in a more conscious way. How much do we all keep bottled up inside? Yoga shows us where we are clenching and holding.
As we bring ourselves into emotional balance, we experience true power. We say what we need to say, instead of denying our truth. We learn to set boundaries as soon as our body gives us the signal that it's time. We trust our body's inherent wisdom and we honor it. Through this we find union of body, mind and spirit.