Personality Plus
Recently I was told by a studio parent, "Your personality far exceeds your need to be a good business person." As a studio owner I am in the business of not only teaching but also listening to what people have to say; often in the form of a critique about me and my philosophies. My reaction to her comment was to laugh, knowing that she was right. I am many things at my studio: teacher, choreographer, bookkeeper, cleaning lady (on occasion) and guidance counselor. I am not wonderful at every job I have. I am completely creative and absorbed in whatever my current project is; often that means I may forget to pass out bills, give parents directions before a day prior, or order a costume. To me I worry the kids are learning, improving, having fun, and that they have interesting choreography to be a part of. Organization and structure often comes second to me, but my heart is in the right place.
As soon as the words came out of the mother's mouth she looked stressed and quickly told me over and over, "I am so sorry. I didn't mean that the way that it came out. I meant to say I am really a structured person but my daughter loves you and you're always smiling so I ignore the stuff that doesn't work out." She told me that I never seem to lose my cool when parents or kids come to me with issues, that I always just care about resolving whatever is wrong. She expressed that my intentions are always to do the right thing. I reassured her that I knew she meant it in a positive way, no need to explain any further. Driving home I thought about what the mom had said to me, and not only did I take it as a positive statement but as one of the nicest things anyone could say to me. How nice it is to be told that my attitude and intentions could outshine all of my shortcomings. A positive attitude can make anyone achieve whatever they want. That is true in life and definitely in the dance studio.
This conversation made me think about how I have been able to make a career in dance choreographing, teaching, and judging while so many talented dancers struggle finding work. I always feel like one job will lead to another and it usually does, at this point I stress about very little. Students also need to take ups and downs with a smile. Students who struggle a little bit, but credit themselves with improvement, learn that hard work results in a slow but eventual pay off. They will deal with any situation smiling. It is so important to understand that no one is great at everything; you need to have a sense of humor about yourself in order to learn and improve where you need to. If you expect constant perfection you will be too stressed to accomplish your long-term goals.
A few years ago my students, Corrine and Jessica were girls with promise in dance, but they both had areas that did not come easy for them. Their moms let me know that they loved helping with the younger students. I love the help so I asked them to assistant teach two days a week. After several years of helping pre-school students turn out their feet and learn the basics of ballet, they have a better understanding of technique themselves. More importantly, over time they have learned how to work with children and see results. They struggled to teach different concepts; with my help they learned how to teach steps hard to explain at first. Now at 11 and 12 years old they know the basics of working in a classroom. Best of all they know they are becoming good teachers. I send them across the room to work with a student who needs a little more help, or challenge a student who understands easily. I am counting on them and they know it. They come back to me to proudly show off what they have taught, and every time they become a little more confidant that they have a gift with children. It is important to understand where your talents are and use them.
Corrine and Jessica are aware of their newfound gift when it is their own turn to take class. What they do not grasp right away they are able to focus on and improve without feeling like they are untalented, and becoming discouraged. They can appreciate when other students are stronger at a trick, because they too have found something they are great at. It is okay that they cannot do eight pirouettes because they are great teachers. Knowing this has allowed them to relax and slowly improve on all their weak areas. Now they are two of the strongest dancers in their age group. Everyone has gifts, whether it is great showmanship, technique, choreography, pirouettes, or maybe a great work ethic. The best thing you can do is isolate your strong points and focus on them, understanding that everything that is not simple will come over a period of time. Stay positive about what you can do.
Taking yourself lightly seems simple enough, however it is something you need to make a conscious decision to do. Even as adults we encounter challenges in the form of goals that are difficult to achieve and people who want to accentuate our weaknesses. I spent the first few years owning my studio worrying about silly things; I wasn't buying the kind of costumes most studios wore, creating upbeat choreography that could win the biggest trophy, stressing I was late with the newsletter, and worst of all worrying that people would not stay with me if I wasn't great at everything. Time has taught me that you cannot be wonderful at every aspect of anything you do. As soon as you let yourself off the hook for not being perfect you will start to realize what you are great at, and best of all everyone else will realize it too!
I have the most fun teaching kids and watching them improve, and creating different choreography that my dancers can be proud of; whether other people understand it or not. These are the things I have learned to dwell on, rather than the things that are difficult for me. As a choreographer you hope that people like your work, but everyone loving everything you do is not important or possible. My goal is not necessarily for the kids to take the high score but for no one to get up while they are dancing; I work to get total silence because that means everyone is watching the story and wondering what's happening next. I have watched this happen a few times and it is the coolest feeling and motivates me to do an even greater job the next time.
Twenty years down the road my dancers will hopefully remember that I loved teaching them every day and that I worked really hard to make every number they were in have a story and a message. They will not recall that I changed the holiday show location last minute, or that I never let them wear tons of rhinestones (which now dismays some of them)! They will appreciate the ways I was different; time leaves rose-colored impressions. Why not start to realize your talents now? Someone else can win "High Score Costume" or the "Best Participation Award." If I want to start recital numbers in March, I do not worry that someone else began in November. These are just not my goals anymore. When I hear that kids get excited that their number is original, that no one else has anything like it, that is when I am proud of myself because that is my gift. These moments make me more confident, so when someone wants to tell me what I am not great at, I can smile and say, "You are probably right, I'll work on it."
Nikki Apostal attended Vanderbilt University, in Nashville, TN where she was a member of Momentum Dance Company and Vanderbilt Dance Group. She also performed locally in productions for Gaylord Entertainment before returning to Rhode Island to take over the studio she grew up in - Dance Artistry, Warwick, RI. Dance Artistry was named "One of the Four Best Studios in America" by Dancer Magazine in 1996. Nikki loves to teach and is also on the faculty of NorthShore Dance Academy in Peabody, MA www.northshoredanceacademy.com, which she enjoys as much as her own studio.