Journey to the Unknown
While watching the Winter Olympics, one has to marvel at the level of achievement that many of these athletes reach at such a young age. It was obvious with the snowboarders, ice skaters and pairs skaters, attempting groundbreaking jumps and dangerous throw moves. But that movement toward reaching early perfection has spilled over into many arenas. It's evident today when you attend dance competitions and watch the level of talent that is emerging. I guess my point is, where do we go from here?
It's crazy. A baby is born. You hold the baby. You don't see the baby, you see his future. You make plans. You have dreams. But mostly you forget that it can't just be your dream. In fact, it can't just be their dream either. It has to be the right dream, and you have to remain flexible. Sometimes a dream will lead you to a totally different place than where you thought you were headed. And for those who believe in a higher power, we realize that sometimes, it's just not for us to decide. You can only control your own choices, you cannot control the world around you.
Yes, it is amazing to see athletes or dancers do phenomenal things. I'll be the first to admit that. But I got to wondering... If the level of achievement is this high right now, when should these kids start training, at birth? Don't laugh. Some practically do. I don't know whether that's a favor to the child or a form of abuse. But then, every situation is decidedly individual.
As parents, my husband and I labored to make decisions that were in the best interest of each individual child and our family as a whole. We got some things right, and made our fair share of mistakes. Fortunately, I don't feel that any of them caused irreversible damage. One thing we always agreed upon was the choice to put family first. Some things were just not up for negotiation. A family doesn't revolve around just one person, and we had four to consider. Each had their own gifts to pursue and deserved the chance, but not at the cost of another sibling. We were very lucky. Because of our location, we were able to meet their needs without sacrificing what some families must.
We also didn't want our children to look back in 20 years and have no memories or pictures in the scrapbook other than organized dance, sports, etc. Although there were many days that meals and homework were served up in the back of the van, we did our best to find a balance. No matter what was on the agenda during the week, Sunday was always our family day. Whether we spent the day bonding or battling, we did it together on Sunday.
When a child is missing something in their life, it might not surface immediately, but eventually it will. We would be doing our children a great disservice if we dismissed their need for involvement and commitment. However, we may be doing them an even greater disservice if we allow them to believe that an obsession to excel at all costs, whether in dance or some other activity, should define who they are. If we do, we risk setting them up to fail if they fall short of that goal.
Then we have genetics... the good and the bad and the ugly...many times the deciding factor of society's take on success. Obviously if your child displays exceptional talent, they were genetically blessed with that ability. However, that child can be cursed by that same set of genes by the time he or she grows to adulthood. The amazing young football player may stop growing at a mere 5'6", rendering his prospects of a professional career quite dim. A brilliantly talented ballerina who grows to a towering 6 feet (not on pointe) will about as marketable as the one who is 5 feet tall with the curves of Selma Hayak. There is so much that lies beyond our control that has a direct effect on personal success.
Remember to weigh the consequences of what you are willing to sacrifice in order to pursue a dream. Make sure it is worth it. Time cannot be turned back. As the parents of adult children, I can attest to this. You will never regret a minute of the time that you gave to your children, whether it is in a car, a studio, a gym, an auditorium, or freezing outside at a game. But you will regret time that you didn't spend with them. Just having time to be a child can keep an overachiever grounded. If they are destined to be great at something, they will be. You can't make it happen for them.
The healthiest approach to lasting happiness is to work hard at what you love, yet be open to what may come along. You should never regret working hard toward something, even if you come up short. Learn from it and put it in your personal arsenal. I truly believe in the saying, "The only way we ever fail is if we fail to try."
I have always found it comforting to believe that everything happens for a reason. We may have no clue as to why at the time, but eventually it will all make sense. It is so important for us to instill in our children that their value is in being who they are, not in what they do. And their talent, no matter how great, is simply what they do.