A Client’s Survival Guide (Much Abridged)
To the lawyer, it's another case. To the client, it's a personal drama. When things are going well, we don't go to lawyers. We only consult lawyers when we're in trouble or when we expect to be, even if we're deliriously happy right now. Before the wedding, we demand prenuptial agreements in case we get divorced; before the baby is born, we name a guardian in case we die; before we sign a contract, we make sure we can get out of it!
While your lawyer is sensitive to the level of stress caused by the matter you retained him for, his job is to provide a degree of removal from the emotional aspect of your matter and to give you objective legal advice and counsel. If you're looking for "comfort" your lawyer will "advise" you to get a teddy bear. If you're looking for coping strategies, here's what to do.
From "what-if"...
The truth is, any situation with legal implications is difficult, worrisome, and hard to avoid thinking about. Your imagination creates the "what-ifs". Fueled by tabloid television and third-hand gossip, usually in the middle of the night, you think up horrific scenarios that cause cold sweats and circles under the eyes. What if I can't get that mortgage? What if "they" put me in jail for arrears in child support payments? What if my bankruptcy petition is denied? And there may be an unhealthy dose of guilt, as well. Even though you know that your scenario is not reality or that the "what-ifs" are not inevitable consequences of your actions, you can't help but blame yourself, not only for "getting yourself into this mess," but for your reaction, or overreaction, to the situation and your inability to control it.
...to what's next.
Take control by setting up a special appointment with your lawyer, either in person or by telephone. Prepare for the meeting by writing down all the "what-ifs", editing out the adjectives and adverbs. Follow your own (scary) narrative to its logical conclusion: What if you refuse to sign the pre-nup? Will you lose the love of your life, or will you be married to someone whose family doesn't trust you? What if you refuse to part with your puppy? Will you be evicted and wind up out on the street because the lease says you can't have a pet? What if you lose that lawsuit? Will you have to sell your house and jewelry to pay the judgment and their legal fees?
Your lawyer will be grateful to have structure for your meeting, so that she can address your concerns without wasting time. You'll be grateful for that, too, especially if she bills by the hour.
Ask your lawyer specifically about your worst-case scenario and what she could do about it. She doesn't have a crystal ball, but based on her experience, she will be able to predict possible outcomes. Don't let her get away with dismissing your concerns unless she explains why your fears are unrealistic.
Don't create problems, either for yourself or your lawyer, by acting contrary to her advice or attempting to act for yourself. Be absolutely honest and forthcoming with her: she needs to know the facts. She has a duty to protect your confidences, and she won't disclose information unless you specifically authorize her to do so. But she can't effectively represent you without full disclosure from you.
If you have confidence in your lawyer, accept her assurances, give credence to her analysis of the issues, trust her
recommendations for resolution.
If you don't have confidence in her, don't argue with her, or try to get her
to change her advice. Just get
another lawyer!