Anti Nuptial Agreements
HIM and his "prenup".
She's right about the prenup. Prevailing law would give her substantial property rights in the event of divorce or the death of her spouse. But the law also recognizes the rights of adults to structure their own marital relationship with respect to their finances, their property, even their children, born or not yet born. Ante ("before") nuptial agreements supersede applicable state law, often to the detriment of the "non-moneyed" spouse, like Becky. The agreement Becky was offered gave her a monthly "allowance" but she would have to give up her rights to his estate if he died before she did, and, if they divorced, all her rights to support and to a share of his interest in his medical partnership, the pension and retirement funds that he accrued during their marriage, and to the house they lived in.
Antenuptial agreements are practical, and may be necessary for some. They aren't romantic, and may indeed be "anti" marriage.
Whom do you love more?
Those contemplating marriage may be subject to pressure by family members to ask for and get prenuptial agreements as a condition for marrying. The "advice" may come, not surprisingly, from those family members whose interests are vulnerable to the competing interests of the new spouse. If the couple divorces, assets, professional licenses, personal property, and business interests may be subject to division or distribution to the "non-moneyed" spouse. Thus, family assets like great-grandma's pearls or the controlling interest in the family shirt factory could suddenly and unintentionally belong to the new daughter-in-law.
Billy had an interest in a real estate holding company with his father and his sister, although he derived no income and expected no immediate financial benefit from the holdings. Billy's fiancée was a medical school graduate whose license to practice would be subject to division if she and Billy divorced. Although she represented to Billy's family that her assets were at least equal to Billy's, and argued that "this is not the way to start a marriage", Billy's family insisted that their real estate be "protected" by a prenup. The engagement didn't survive.
New spouse, prior families
A prenuptial agreement affords mature spouses the opportunity to control their property, and the "interested parties" who are likely to fight over it. It's not simply that the new spouse will wind up with the money; it's that the new spouse will have the opportunity to direct the legacy away from the family. For example, the summer house that's been in the family for generations, or the diamonds that belonged to the first wife, or, worse yet, the controlling shares in the family shirt factory, could wind up under the control of the surviving spouse.
Sarah, a widow who admitted to being 85, became engaged to Tom, her childhood sweetheart, soon after he lost his wife of 62 years. They each had children, grandchildren, and Sarah had two great grandchildren. If Tom died without a will, his estate would go in its entirety to Sarah, who would have the absolute right to dispose of it as she saw fit. Tom and Sarah recognized how unfair that could be, and readily agreed to a prenup waiving their reciprocal rights to inherit from each other.
If a wedding is in your future, yours or someone you know well, a visit with a lawyer should be in the future as well.
Prenuptial agreements can address any issue of concern to an engaged couple, not just financial ones. Issues of custody and child support can be anticipated and resolved in a prenup. And some couples even use prenups to make assignments for household and child care chores.
You can ask your lawyer whether a prenup is necessary or desirable; you should ask your lawyer whether you'd be better off without one. But don't ask your lawyer whether you'd be better off without HIM.